Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
