If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
