Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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