yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
