yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
