I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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