I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
