I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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