Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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