whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
