I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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