I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
