i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
