I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
so much tequila, so little girl.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
