My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
