That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
