I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
