is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Congratulations! We have a period
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