I'm pants shitting drunk right now
her vagine was all disorganized.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
50% drunk capacity currently
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
