It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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