do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
