Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
