I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
