There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
