Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
