Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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