glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
