Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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