I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
