Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
