its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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