My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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