She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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