They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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