so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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