Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
