we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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