Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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