Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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