I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
