She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
