Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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