The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
