If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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