I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize