He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
