We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
