You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
