lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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