can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
