i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
