Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
