its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
as a side note pls kill me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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