Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
