I am in a vortex of obligation.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
