Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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