Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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