my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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