4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
