forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
