This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
