I need help removing her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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