guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
