I wish life had little blips of pornography
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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