if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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