In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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