if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
