I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
