I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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