Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
