I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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