My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
