Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
