is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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