The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
