the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
