Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
