Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
